


Arthureames, a tie and a jar of marmite

by Crazymuggleinthestruggle



Series: arthureamesmonth [2]
Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:14:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26983459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazymuggleinthestruggle/pseuds/Crazymuggleinthestruggle
Summary: What it says in the title! It's both the same, really
Relationships: Arthur/Eames (Inception)
Series: arthureamesmonth [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969252
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Arthureames, a tie and a jar of marmite

**Author's Note:**

> This was posted on my Tumblr for arthureames month [ here ](https://arthureames-dumbassery.tumblr.com/post/631826699025252352/arthureames-a-tie-and-a-jar-of-marmite)  
> The prompt was: "you know you love me"

“Darling! You’re home!”, Eames’ voice comes from inside the living room where Arthur finds Eames sprawled out on the couch, watching T.V. while eating marmite. Arthur is almost 90% sure that Eames’ is cheating on Arthur with fucking _marmite_ of all things, even though Eames has pointed out many times that the theory is ridiculous. Arthur, on the other hand, has pointed out that he has caught Eames lewdly winking at jars of marmite far too many times for it to be normal. 

“Honeybunch, you look quite deep in thought” 

“I am trying to prepare myself for the heartbreak when you inevitably leave me for your jar of marmite”, Arthur replies drily.  
“Aw, my salad gnome, I would never!”

And that, draws Arthur’s attention. It’s not that Eames doesn’t have a bigger-than-absolutely-necessary/needed arsenal of appalling names for Arthur. It’s just that he generally tends to stick with “Darling” and “Petal”. 

“Have you done something?”

“Whatever do you mean by that, sweet rumpelstiltskin”

“I really don’t think rumpelstiltskin was all that sweet, Eames. And as to what I _mean_ is that your names are getting more and more ridiculous by the second. A talent which you generally save for when we have company.”

“Ah, so that brings you to the conclusion that I am trying to hide something from you? You wound me, plum buns” 

“Plum buns”, echoes Arthur flatly. 

“Chipmunk, you dig a deeper wound into my heart with every word you say. You know you’re a _heinie_ ous crime I’d always like to do.”

“And I get incrementally concerned with each of your sentences.”

“.......I would avoid the bedroom.”  
***  
That is how Arthur finds himself standing by the bed, staring at his previously impeccable tie which is now slathered in marmite. 

“Darling?”, nudged Eames, “Say something, petal.”

“...there is marmite. On my _tie_. I’m not lying when I say I don’t know the correct response to this situation.”

“Are you shatteringly angry with me? Extremely pissed? Absolutely resentful? Beautifully vexed? Irksomely irked?” 

“I hate you.”

“Ah, but darling, you didn’t even like this tie. Remember how alarmed you were at the pattern when Richard gave it to you? The poor tie has never even seen the light of the day”, Eames intoned sardonically. 

“I really do hate you.”

“You know you love me”, Eames singsonged. 

“No. I detest you. You with your fucking marmite and smug smile and stupid paisleys that by the way should be in prison for harrasing everyone’s eyes. How did you even find a _crocheted paisley_?”  
Eames, who had never in all his years on earth, ever developed a conscience, looked as if he were just seconds away from outright laughing, “Darling, I almost envy the passion with which you seem to hate my tasteful shirts.”

“Eames, when I say, you wouldn't know good taste if it came and bit you in the ass, I truly do say it with all my love.” 

“You mock my tastes, darling, but I am dating you, aren’t I? In my _tasteful opinion_ , one really can't get more tasteful than falling in love with you, petal.” 

And really, what could Arthur say after that.  
***  
“I never asked you this, but why didn’t you simply throw away the damn tie when you knew I didn’t like it? Instead, you chose to spread it out on the bed. Was it a sex thing?”, Arthur asks much later while having dinner. 

“Oh, I am so glad you asked me this! So darling you see, you are a very methodical man. You would have noticed it even if someone removed a t-shirt you haven’t worn in ten years. I knew if I threw the tie away, you would notice it's absence, since absence makes the heart grow fonder and then you'd ask me, 'Eames, my beautiful, where is my tie?' Oh! And also, I was extremely proud of my handiwork and wanted to show it to you." 

“Uh-huh, I'm pretty sure that's not how that phrase goes. Why were you stalling from going inside the room, then?”

“For the dramatic reveal, darling!”

“Eames, you are a constant wonder to me and I cannot for the life of me understand you. I love you, you ridiculous man.”

“Aww, darling I love you too.”


End file.
